


I Won't Break

by GhostDetective



Series: Downton Shorts [9]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attraction, Budding Love, Disability, Forbidden Love, Internalised ableism, M/M, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 10:46:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15794931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostDetective/pseuds/GhostDetective
Summary: Edward could feel their eyes on him.





	I Won't Break

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again. 
> 
> Apologies for any errors, I have a cold and I may have missed the odd descriptor or typo. Hopefully this makes sense. 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy my work.

Edward could feel their eyes on him. He could imagine the children staring, he could hear the parents’ hushed explanations, he could hear the pity in old ladies’ voices as they said “poor lamb, it’s no life at all,” but worse still, he heard what they didn’t say “better off dead.” His heart felt like it had been stabbed every time he thought that, because there had been a time, not so long ago, that he’d thought the same thing. 

It had been different during the war, he had been in a hospital with other soldiers, many of whom sporting worse injuries than Edward, so nobody paid him much mind; but in the years that had followed, as the country began to heal from the war, the soldiers had stopped being considered heroes and started being expected to rejoin society. Edward had found himself subject to whispers and curiosity and he had found it very uncomfortable. 

Edward’s shoulders slumped.  
“Let’s go.”  
“Is everything alright?” Thomas’ voice was full of concern.  
Edward didn’t answer. Thomas paid for their things and tried to loop his arm though Edwards’s to steer him from the shop, but Edward pulled his hand loose. Thomas treating him like a child didn’t help. He didn’t speak as they took the short walk back to their house in Hannover Square. Thomas reached out for Edward a few times, but Edward didn’t take his hand. 

Thomas turned the key in the door and let them into their home. Only when they were safely in the house, did Thomas step closer, touching Edward's hand intimately.  
“Edward? What’s the matter?”  
“It’s nothing.”  
Thomas cupped his cheek.  
“It’s not nothing if it’s got you this upset. If I’ve done something to upset you, then I’m sorry.”  
Edward sighed, already feeling bad.  
“There was a woman in the shop. She was whispering that my life was no life at all. I know she thought I couldn’t hear her, but I could. People talk about me like I’m not in the room, like I can’t hear them, but I can and it hurts that they think I’m just some vacant mannequin in a shop window that can’t understand them and I’m just there for them to gawp at.”  
“Nobody thinks that.” Thomas tried to reassure him.  
“Don’t like to me.” Edward snapped. “I know what they’re thinking and it doesn’t help me to pretend it’s not happening.”  
“Edward…” Thomas reached out and softly touched Edward’s arm. Edward pulled his hand back.  
“Please don’t treat me like I’m made of glass. I detest being made to feel like I’m incapable.”  
There was a pause. Thomas broke the silence.  
“Is that why you didn’t want to take my arm? You want your independence?”  
Edward turned his face away, sighing.  
“It might sound silly to you, but I still have my pride and that means something to me.”  
“It doesn’t sound silly.” Thomas replied. “You need to feel empowered.”  
“Exactly.” 

They stood in silence for a moment, then a thought occurred to Edward that had his mind racing.  
“I think… Do you know, I think I have a solution, but…” He turned away, suddenly shy.  
“Go on.” Thomas held his hand supportively.  
“Would you… Would you be interested in letting me take the lead… In the bedroom?”  
They hadn’t done such a thing before, they had consummated their relationship many times, but, due to his disability, Edward had felt like he had to let Thomas take the lead, Thomas had always made sure that Edward was comfortable and enjoying it, but Edward had always been passive, even when he wasn’t on the receiving end. Perhaps the best way that Edward could demonstrate to Thomas that he was far from the delicate flower he was seen as would be to show him. Edward felt Thomas’ pulse quicken.  
“That… That would be…”  
“Come.” Edward took Thomas’ hand and led them from the room, on the familiar path to their bedroom. 

Thomas followed Edward, wordlessly, Edward could hear his breathing and his pulse racing. Finally, they got to the bedroom. Edward led Thomas to the bed and ran his fingers up and down Thomas’ sides. He felt Thomas hitch in a breath as his fingers traced the contours of Thomas’ body, before Edward pushed him down onto the bed. Thomas went down willingly, sitting on the bed and Edward stroked his chest, finding his buttons and undoing them slowly. Edward opened Thomas’ shirt and let his fingers roam across Thomas, seeming to take in more of him than before. Had Thomas’ skin always felt so soft? He felt Thomas’ heart fluttering against his ribs, like the ticking of the clocks that Thomas was always winding, the heartbeat of their home. Edward pushed Thomas to lay back and he climbed on top of him, straddling Thomas. He undid his own shirt, giving Thomas a show, feeling Thomas responding physically to what he was seeing. Edward felt proud, confident. He rubbed against Thomas, hearing Thomas’ whimper. The sound did things to Edward. He found that he quite liked teasing Thomas. He leaned over Thomas, claiming his mouth in a searing kiss, Thomas moaned into it. 

Edward sat up, his hands unbuckling Thomas’ belt. He moved off of him to undo Thomas’ trousers properly, when he stroked Thomas through his trousers, Thomas gasped and Edward hooked his fingers through Thomas’ trousers and shorts, pulling them down. Edward stood, undoing his own trousers, slowly undressing himself for Thomas. He climbed back on top of Thomas, kissing him and reaching for the bottle of petroleum jelly beside the bed, he uncapped it and covered his fingers. He prepared himself, listening to Thomas’ voice.  
“Oh, Edward… Fuck, that’s… ”  
Edward smiled. He reached down and used the remainder of the jelly on Thomas, Thomas’ voice raised even louder and his body writhed on the bed. Edward moved his hand away, leaving Thomas panting, before he lowered himself onto him. The moment when they were joined, they both let out shuddering breaths. 

Edward moved slowly at first, getting his bearings, before he rocked faster, gathering confidence, Thomas let out a stream of curses, endearments, and gasps. Edward felt overwhelmed, the feeling of empowerment from doing this with Thomas, coupled with bliss that brought was nearly too much. Something awoke inside Edward and he felt a rush of pure ecstasy, he rode out waves of pleasure until he stilled, exhausted.  
He felt Thomas wriggling beneath him, Thomas’ hands shakily touching his waist. Edward placed his hands over Thomas’.  
“It’s alright. I won’t break.”  
He set an unyielding pace, making Thomas’ moans escalate in volume until, with a strangled cry, Thomas climaxed. 

Edward pulled away and snuggled up beside Thomas, pulling the covers over them.  
“I don’t need to ask whether you enjoyed that.” Edward could hear the smirk in Thomas’ voice. He smiled too.  
“How was it for you?”  
“Amazing.”  
“Good.”  
Edward kissed Thomas softly, Thomas turned his face so that Edward’s lips met his own, Edward deepened the kiss, his arms wrapping around Thomas, who held him in return. There they lay together, kissing softly, their bodies entwined in the sheets.


End file.
